Results are okay to want

Results are okay to want

Happy new year! My only resolution this year is to stop gaslighting myself. And one way I've been doing that is by allowing others to dictate where my joy/happiness "should come from--among other things, traveling versus arriving.

If you're frustrated by the constant exhortation to "focus on the journey and let go of the outcome," you're not alone. This "encouragement"/piece of advice has never worked for me, and if it hasn't worked for you, either, that's okay. It's okay if the journey is unfulfilling in itself (and more so the longer it lasts). It's okay to want to be where you're trying to get, to want to actually possess what you're longing to have, to arrive at the end of the road. And it's okay if you're tired AF of hearing "it's coming soon," "just keep swimming," "good things come to those wait," and whatever other well-intentioned but ultimately dismissive platitudes told to those who can't figure out how to find joy in the journey (I know it's there somewhere, but so is the word "urn," so...).

Hope deferred makes the heart sick... ~the first half of Proverbs 13:12

It's okay to want results. It's okay to "fail" at being happy with just being in process. Processes, journeys, etc., are part of life, so we do have to accept them, but you don't need to gaslight yourself into being happy about the journey when what you really want is to arrive.

Also, all successful people I've heard talk about their success at some point define at least some of their success by results. That's what motivational speakers--the successful ones anyway--promise to help you get: results. Also, "results-oriented people" and "process-oriented people" are real things; and one is not worse than the other--as in, it's okay to be a results-oriented person. The world needs more of us, I'll dare to say.

I'm suspicious that the main reason "it's about the journey not the destination" is being hammered into us everywhere we turn is because we're trying to convince ourselves that that's true when the results we want are a long time coming. We're trying to numb or stuff the pain of delayed fulfillment of long-held, especially if you've tried a lot of things to get them. At least those of us that just can't get on board with journey = fulfillment.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life. ~all of Proverbs 12:13